Love like this
by nessa-Fan-of-Fic
Summary: Eric finally gets his orders back overseas. Four years ago he couldn't wait to return to the only family he'd ever known, his army family. Now however all he wants to do is stay in Ops because the thought of leaving Nell Jones is unthinkable. "M" later on
1. Chapter 1

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

**Disclaimer- I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles **

CHAPTER 1

Everyone was quiet as they tried to listen as best they could to what was going on about thirty feet away at Hetty's desk. Their concern was Eric Beal, he had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the entire case that week. Nobody had yet questioned him. Maybe he was taking the case especially hard but that was highly unlikely as this was one of the rare cases where nobody had to die. About an hour ago Callen, Sam, Kensi and Deeks watched as he walked down the stairs of Ops with a weighted expression on his face and headed straight for Hetty's.

"So no one knows what could possibly be up?" Deeks whispered to the group having given up trying to hear what Hetty and Eric were talking about.

"No, not a clue." Kensi replied trying to conceal her concerned expression as she watched Eric's shoulders tense and Hetty's mouth frown slightly at whatever was being said. She failed badly as Deeks saw right through her façade.

"Well whatever it is I'm sure everything will be just fine" Deeks said trying to console his partners' worries. It was obvious that Kensi and Eric shared a brother sister bond as she did with Callen and Sam. "His computer probably crashed or something and he's complaining to Hetty about it." He continued trying to ignite a laugh from her to lighten the mood.

He proved unsuccessful however at Sam's next words, "If that were the case Deeks, than I'd think Eric would have been more than happy to fix it himself." His voice was also laced with concern and seriousness.

Callen remained silent throughout the others talking, his sole focus on Eric and Hetty. He was growing anxious to find out what was going on. He usually was on top of his team. The moment he saw something was conflicting them he'd jump to figure out what and try his best to fix it. With Eric however he decided to let him be for a while as it seemed he needed to think whatever was going on with himself alone. Now thought seeing the tension in Eric's body while speaking to Hetty, Callen was thinking that leaving him be was probably not the best thing to have done.

Callen was just about to get up and walk over when Eric stopped speaking and turned to head back up the stairs.

"Eric!" Callen called trying to catch him

Eric heard Callen call his name and he knew he had to stop. He knew that he hadn't been doing a good job at trying to hide that he wasn't telling them something. But then truth was he just didn't know how to begin, but he knew now that he had told Hetty the next step was to tell the team too. Eric knew that if he left Ops, as he planned to, without an explanation, whenever he did return the welcome home would not be a friendly one.

He knew there was no time like the present and it would be best to just get it out now than later.

"Ok," he said as he turned back down the stairs to face the team. "I'm pretty sure I know what you're going to ask me so let me save you the trouble. I know you've noticed something's up…"

"That's an understatement" Callen cut him off

Eric continued despite his friend's smart comment. "I realize that all of us here have our secrets," he paused taking a deep breath "It just so happens that one of mine has surfaced recently and will cause me to have to leave Ops for a while."

"What do you mean?" Kensi jumped in "We're undercover cops, we can take on whoever is after you Eric it's what we do. You don't have to leave…"

"I never said someone was after me Kens." Eric cut her off. "I'm leaving because last week Friday I received notice that my leave is up and I received orders of my deployment back overseas as of this morning."

They were speechless. Of course none of them knew every single detail about each other but this was definitely not expected. They'd always seen Eric as the funny, goofy, geeky guy at NCIS, but a soldier never crossed their minds. However it was also very possible that Eric's personality simply deterred the team from what had been in their face as long as they'd known him.

Eric was built. Not like Sam but very close to Callen. His dress in the flip-flops, shorts, the occasional palm tree shirts and innocently happy attitude was probably what concealed his muscled arms and abs from registering in their heads that he worked out on a regular basis. Though him not being a field agent he could probably hold his own in a fight.

"Hold on your enlisted?" Sam questioned what they all were thinking "In the United States army?"

Eric laughed with no humor "Yeah Sam. Thought you were the only one?" he asked rhetorically trying to lighten his news that obviously had shocked the group.

"Why didn't you tell us about this?" Callen stepped in not angry but very much curious 'and why after all this time do they need you back now?"

Despite wanting to tell them everything Eric had enough training to know when enough information was enough.

"That's classified information."

Eric immediately noticed how defensive his tone was and so quickly added "Sorry guys but that's all I can say. Even Hetty knows no more than that."

The group could see immediately at how Eric now spoke and the stern look, foreign to his face that he now displayed, was him turning into someone who they did not know. Someone who had probably seen a lot of terrible shit during his time served. They still couldn't believe it but they could now see it as his dark green eyes seemed distant and suddenly darker than before. He looked upward at the top of the stairs towards Ops with a troubled expression.

Sam looked at him with invasive curiosity "Classified?" he asked getting Eric's attention back. There was disbelief in his voice "Exactly what branch of the army are you from?"

As they all looked at him they could see his aversion to the question. He wasn't going to answer it. And though not happy about it, they understood the situation. Clearly Eric was not the man they knew, there was another part of him that would not be pushed around. Another part of him that was military, another part of him that held allegiance to not only NCIS but from the looks of things probably special operations within the U.S military.

The resignation on his face made it clear nothing else would be said or asked about the matter of his deployment assignments.

"When do you leave?" Deeks asked solemnly all the while looking at Kensi. He could see that she was distraught at this news which made him want to be mad at Eric for leaving and causing her pain. But he knew that even more than that, he along with everyone else was just worried, sad and anxious about this new development. Whatever Eric was apart of would without a doubt place him in harm's way. The very fact that he said his mission was "classified" revealed that. The part that worried the team though was the fact that they would not be there to protect him if he got himself into trouble.

"0800 hours the day after tomorrow." Eric replied simply

"When are you coming back?" Kensi asked

Eric looked at his sister-like friend, not wanting to give her the answer he had to. "I'm sorry Kensi but…"

"I got it, enough said" Kensi cut him off knowing what he was about to say "You said it was classified and so you probably don't even know the details yourself yet." She looked down and away, appearing on the outside to be strong but clearly angered at the news within.

"I'm sorry guys but it's not like I have a choice." He knew they wanted more "Look, I enlisted when I was 18 during a bad time in my life guys, and I just have some unfinished business to tend to." He strained a smile "No big deal, I mean I'll be gone for…I don't know how long, but I will be back…"

"Everyone enlisted knows that, that isn't true Eric." Sam said "there is always a chance that..."

"Hey," Eric interrupted and for a moment his goofy, joking smile retuned for a moment. But they could tell it was forced. "I'll be perfectly fine."

He still noticed their concerned looks and got real serious. "Guys, my time at NCIS was nowhere faked when it comes to my relationship with you guys…" he paused "but as part of my time here I couldn't exactly be completely honest with you guys either." "It was a part of my leave to try and fit in until they needed me back, I couldn't let anyone know who I was so I chose to work behind a desk where it just so happened I was pretty decent with a computer. It was a perfect cover but trust me when I say I know how to handle myself in the field. You don't have to worry about me."

The way he said this with complete light hearted confidence was convincing enough, even for Callen

He turned to head up the stairs again but this time was stopped by Kensi calling his name. Somehow he immediately knew what she was going to ask by the way her voice became softer.

"Does Nell know yet?" she said it with caution

He froze and could feel the four pairs of eyes on his back demanding an answer. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, glad he was turned around so they didn't see the look of pain that flashed across his face at the question.

Taking a deep breath he answered "No, she doesn't." he cursed himself as his voice was too weighted with emotion to come off as casual.

Kensi's posture turned disbelieving. His tine suggested that he had not been planning on telling her. "But you are going to tell her. Right?"

No answer

"Right?" she asked more firmly

He never turned but spoke with a forced casual tone as he began to ascend the steps slowly, "Of course I'm going to Kensi." She frowned however as he didn't sound the least bit convincing.

Truth was he didn't want to tell Nell, he'd rather leave without having to say goodbye, even if there was a chance he would not come back. Sam was right he knew the risks he had taken many times during active duty, there was always a chance he would not make it back home alive. He could handle that possibility though. Eric had always seen being able to serve his country a great honor and if the risk was his life in the process of protecting those innocent lives back home, lives like Nell, he would gladly do it. But he couldn't deny that his time at NCIS had changed him. He now had people in is life who were constant, who meant something to him. They were his family, and Nell had somehow eased her way to the top of his list of people most important to him.

His sole reason for not pursuing her romantically was knowing that this day would come when he'd have to leave her and he just wasn't sure if he would have the strength to go if he had become too emotionally attached to her. Even now their relationship was classified as co-workers and friends but climbing the steps to tell her of his approaching departure felt like his heart was shattering with every step.

PLEASE REVIEW AND I'LL HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER UP FASTER! AND TRUST ME IT GETS GOOD.


	2. Chapter 2

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

**Disclaimer- I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles **

CHAPTER 2

Nell was sitting in her chair typing frivolously at the keyboard. Their case was long over so he figured she was doing some "private" work for Hetty.

Eric's assumptions were proven correct as when she noticed his presence in the room she tapped twice on the keyboard and the screen went blank of whatever she was searching. She turned in her chair slightly to acknowledge him with an apologetic smile on her face at having to keep something from him. But he understood completely. Everyone there at headquarters had their secrets.

"What's up?" she asked with a wide smile

Looking at her beautiful face made his heart hurt even more knowing that in less than forty hours he would have to leave it for who knows how long. He tried to smile back normally however. "Nothing," he replied "I just had to tell Hetty something, it's not important." He lied

Nell's smile slowly faded to an uncertain one. Eric's eyes refused to meet hers and something about the way he smiled back was off.

"You sure everything's alright you seem a bit distracted?" he still refused to meet her gaze

"Yeah Nell everything's fine…I think I'm just a little tired, this week's case was exhausting, nothing a few hours of sleep couldn't fix though."

Nell wasn't convinced. He was holding something back, he had been all week but whenever she tried to question him about it either something in the case came up or he would change the subject. She was always unsure as to where her concern for him would cross a line of being too concerned to be convincing as "just a friend" so she had just stopped asking if he was ok after the first few days of him acting oddly. Her worry never stopped, but she got the hint. He didn't want to talk about it and she tried to respect that.

"Ok" she said awkwardly trying to move past the silence "Well you should head home then maybe and get some rest, you don't want Hetty to find you slumped over a computer, you'll probably have hell to pay." She joked

Eric heard her attempt at a joke but didn't laugh. He just couldn't find humor in the reality of the situation that she had no clue of yet. But then he realized he couldn't do this right now, he couldn't say goodbye to her and so he took her "joke" as a way out of leaving. "You know what Nell your right I probably should head out now," He began closing the various files on his computer and then grabbed his work bag and slung it over his body.

Nell watched as he moved quickly around her, she wasn't stupid she could tell when someone was trying to avoid someone and right now Eric was acting like she was the plague.

"Eric, stop" Nell spoke softly but clearly a demand

"What?" he asked while starting to rummage through his bag for his car keys

She stood and moved forward, hesitating for a moment before reaching out her hand to stop his that was moving through his bag. They both immediately felt a tingling sensation from the contact that could not be ignored. Nell quickly moved her hands behind her back embarrassed but continued "Stop." she repeated "All week you've been acting weird around me, almost like you're trying to avoid me."

"What are you talking about, no I haven't" he said

She could tell he was lying but instead of becoming irritated like she should have she felt offended. She cared for Eric. She wasn't especially sure if he felt something for her though as it seemed like from the moment they met he'd been trying to keep his distance from her as best he could by always remaining professional. The fact that he was doing so poorly a job at clearly trying to get away from her and lying to her face about it just made her feel worse.

"Then why haven't you looked at me once since you came in here?" she asked but couldn't hide the hurt in her voice

When he heard the wavering in her voice he knew he had gone about this the wrong way. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Looking into her hazel eyes he could see confusion and pain already laced there. So he stopped, like she asked him to, and prepared himself to be strong in telling her the truth.

"I don't know how else to tell you this so I'm just going to say it" he looked at her then directly for the first time since he'd entered the room "I'm going to have to leave NCIS"

Nell felt as if her heart had stopped. 'He was leaving her, no he was leaving NCIS is what he said. He probably couldn't care less that he would not see her again, they were only friends after all nothing more. Right?' Did she even have a right to feel as distraught as she did right now?

She tried to remain composed on the outside but inside she was shaken completely. "Oh." was all she said

He tried to read her expression but she had taken on a blank composure.

"I don't understand, I though liked it here." She said this time she couldn't control the shakiness in her voice. She was now looking down at her hands, fumbling with them.

"Well that's not really the point in this situation, I love NCIS and I plan to come back…eventually" At this said Nell was now confused, 'He said he was coming back? So it wasn't a new job, what the hell was he talking about?' she thought

"Ok Eric, you're gonna have to stop being cryptic and just tell me straight out what's going on" she said

He looked down for a moment, shuffling his hands into his jean pockets before looking up. "I've been keeping something from everyone, I only just told the rest of the team downstairs. I...I have been enlisted in the U.S army since I was eighteen. About four years ago I was sent home. What I was involved with overseas required time and delicacy and it wasn't until this week that I received notice that I could finally come back and finish what was started four years ago.

He watched her carefully; her emotions seemed to range from shock to awestruck to something else that he couldn't quite decipher other than knowing that the look had him concerned. She wasn't speaking.

"Nell?"

"You're joking right?" she asked her voice heavy with emotion.

Eric had to chuckle at that question with no humor, "Is it really that hard to believe that I'm in the army?" his mouth smiled where his green eyes didn't.

The truth was Nell could believe it very much and that's what scared her. She was very observant especially when it came to Eric. She'd noticed that he was incredibly fit. She'd even seen him exiting the gym at headquarters early in the morning before the rest of the team would arrive almost as if making sure he wasn't caught working out. She'd often wondered why he never became a field agent, knowing that he would be able to handle himself very well in the field. She could easily see him in army fatigues, she could see him fighting, she could see him risking his life, and she could see him possibly not making it back alive.

Eric couldn't tell what was going on in the light brown haired beauties head and he was about to question her when she turned away from him suddenly returning to her computer and sitting down.

"Nell?" he inquired hadn't gouged this reaction.

Nell was desperately trying to fight back tears; she couldn't let him see her cry. If he did then he would know how deeply her affections went for him and she couldn't let him know that, because he obviously didn't feel the same. If he had there was no way he would have mere minutes ago been trying to leave without telling her goodbye, and knowing that he had in fact been about to leave without telling her hurt even more than him not returning her feelings. He said he had told the others downstairs already, meaning that they at least had meant enough to him that he would tell them that he was going to fight a war, where as it seemed she was not. 'How could she not have seen this, she loved him while it seems she was nothing more than a colleague to him, not even worth notice of his impending departure to a place where he, quite possibly, might not come back from.

"Nell are you ok?" she heard him slowly approach her from behind but needed to make him stop, if he came any closer she wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep it together.

"I'm fine Eric" she said guardedly "When do you leave?"

Eric didn't expect her distant speech towards him but answered her nonetheless "I'm scheduled to deploy the day after tomorrow…0800 hours. That's what I was talking to Hetty about…todays my last day…I'm taking tomorrow to settle my some last minute things with my apartment before I leave."

He was breaking her with every word 'So he truely had been ready to leave without telling her, he had just said himself that he wasn't coming in the next day so if she had not stopped him minutes ago he really would have just gone without a goodbye.' she made herslef stay strong though despite this revelation. "How long will you be gone?"

"I'm not sure…it could be months, maybe a year" he said

"A year?" she asked in horror

He took a deep breath before continuing, "give or take that is…" he said trailing off

She couldn't take this anymore, she needed him to leave because she really couldn't let him see her shed a tear and she could feel them building up quickly. "You know what, you're probably right you did look tired today Eric, maybe you should head home and get some rest."

He was caught off guard with the flip in conversation and the fact that it seemed like she was dismissing him.

She continued, "I guess I'll see you whenever you get back huh?" she had no idea where she found the strength to say this and act like she didn't care, but she did. Finally turning around to face him she put on her best act and gave him a smile. "Just try not to get into trouble, I know the rest of the team will be worrying about you when you're gone."

Eric wasn't sure exactly what he had been expecting as Nell's reaction to his news but this completely threw him through a loop. She didn't even look sad at the news as the others had. He had at least expected a hug or possibly her volunteering to see him off at the airport as he knew the rest of the team would go. 'and the way she said the rest of the team would be worried about him, was that implying that she would not be concerned about him?' That thought made him feel gloomy 'Did she really not care?' Either way however he was glad she had finally turned back to face him. If this could be the last time he'd see her face, he wanted to memorize every inch of it. He could feel his heart thudding knowing the words that he'd have to say to her that he dreadfully didn't want to.

"So…I guess this is goodbye Nellie." He said in a barely audible voice that almost broke Nell's act with the agony his words brought. But she just had to hold it together a little bit longer.

"See ya." She said simply and then quickly swiveled back around in her chair as she did and began typing on her computer again.

He looked at the back of her head and couldn't help but feel that something was wrong, and as he was about to question her on it he quickly stopped himself realizing that there probably was nothing wrong other than his heart aching at her seeming to brush off his deployment like he was just leaving to run an errand and would be back in a few hours. 'He would miss her even if she would not miss him.'

For a second she heard nothing but her keyboard as she typed, but then after a few moments she heard footsteps leading out of the room and down the stairs.

When she was sure he was gone she allowed herself to get up and move towards the door that led to the ladies room. She quickly locked the door behind her once inside and as soon as the lock clicked she found herself unable to hold in her emotions any longer. A single tear turned into several, than several turned into many, and soon she was sobbing. Her back slid down the bathroom door until she reached the floor, where the ends of her dress pooled around her. She clutched at her heart as it quite literally began to throb in pain. It was damaged and the only one who was capable of fixing it was the one who had done the breaking.

It was midnight and drizzling. It practically never rained in Los Angeles except for this time during the winter, and despite the rain lightly pelting on his rain jacket's back, Eric sat outside on Nell Jones' doorstep waiting for her. After he left Ops he went straight home. His apartment was almost completely empty as he had most of his things already in storage. With only a few more boxes to pack he was in the middle of placing some books in a box when he finally decided that he'd stop fighting his thoughts of her that had been plaguing him since he left headquarters.

Something had definitely seemed wrong with Nell before he left which was the reason why he was now camped out on doorstep waiting for her to get home from work. He knew he needed to focus on his upcoming mission, it was a serious assignment and he couldn't afford any mistakes, but he also couldn't afford to leave with everything between him and Nell not being ok.

About five minutes later he saw the headlights of her car pull into her street and park in front of the curb. He decided to wait till she got out to show his presence but she did not get out right away. Moments later he realized why as he watched in horror as she hung her head all the while gripping the steering wheel like she was holding on for dear life and then silent tears begin to roll down her cheek.

Eric was in shock at first but when the tears turned into sobs he couldn't get to her fast enough. He rushed into the rain, which was beginning to pick up, and walked around to the driver's door and knocked firmly.

She startled for a moment before looking into his eyes and then shock and dismay playing over her face as she realized who it was.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she rubbed hard at her tears with her sweater sleeve, leaving angry red marks on her face in the process.

He didn't answer her question instead asking one of his own "What's wrong Nell, are you ok?" the concerned panic was clear in his voice

She didn't answer and that scared him, making him think the worst of what could have possibly happened this late at night that might leave her crying.

"Nell, please open the door." He needed to see her fully to make sure she was indeed ok

Instead though he watched as her eyes narrowed at him sadly but almost defensively too. She then looked down from his gaze. "Go away Eric I…I don't want to see you." She stammered out

With that she then quickly moved across the console to the passenger door and was out of the car in a flash. As soon as she stepped out of the car she began to get wet from the rain. She hurried to reach her front door but should have guessed that he wouldn't just leave.

He hurried to catch her by the elbow firmly, not enough to hurt her but enough so that she wouldn't get away. He spun her around to face him.

"Nell, whoa, just hold on a second what happened between when I left at work till now that you're running away from me?" he could now tell that whatever this was had nothing to do with a possibly attack on her during the night, but quite possibly something to do with him.

"Let me go!" she yelled while yanking her arm roughly from his grasp. She hadn't intended her reaction to come out so fiercely but in that moment it was too much to have him touching her, being that was exactly what she wanted. Him to touch her and never let go.

Her level of anger surprised him and he let her go the same moment she pulled away aggressively, she went stumbling backwards into the puddle beneath her, dropping her bag and the folder in her hand in the process.

"Nell! shit, I'm so sorry." Eric rushed to help her up but she pushed his hands away.

"I said leave me alone Eric." She cried "Just go! Please just go." Her voice cracked as she spoke

Eric didn't know everything he was feeling right now, but terrified was definitely one of them. Nell had always had a smile on her face, never upset, especially not with him let alone yelling at him. As he watched her on her knees in the rain getting completely soaked as she tried to collect her fallen things he felt desperately helpless. He came here to make sure everything was cool between them but it seemed as though the problem was him all along. He rubbed his forehead in frustration. He had to fix this, whatever he had done. He couldn't leave with her mad at him, never mind being able to do his job properly if he was worrying about her back home in the states.

She stood up finally having collected the fallen papers and her bag, which were now soaked through and through, and quickly turned to head towards her door.

Eric tried one last time making sure not to touch her again though, in fear of her reaction. If she didn't want to speak to him this time he would respect that and leave no matter how much it would bother him to do so. But if she let him stay, he'd make sure they were going to talk about whatever the hell was going on with them and he wouldn't leave until he was satisfied their friendship at least was still in tact. "Nell…please." She could hear the distress in his voice, "Please." He repeated

She didn't face him but he watched her carefully as she walked to her front door opening it. She unlocked it and entered and then turned to look at him. With her hand on the knob and tears in her eyes she opened the door wider and let him in.

**PRETTY PLEASE REVIEW...THANKS BUNDLES :) new chapter up soon I promise...**


	3. Chapter 3

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

**Disclaimer- I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles **

CHAPTER 3

He closed her from door behind him once inside. When he turned around he found that she had traveled the distance to the other side of her apartment almost as if the distance would protect her from him. Her hair was clinging to her skin from the rain, her eyes were red from crying and she was starting to shake from the chill of the rain through her now wet clothes.

He took a step closer but she stopped him in his tracks, "Don't" she said warily wrapping her arms around her front.

"What do you want Eric?"

He eyed her carefully before speaking, "I want to know why you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at…"

"Don't…please don't lie to me Nell." He interrupted looking down "Just a minute ago you were yelling at me to leave you alone and let go of you as if I were about to hurt you or something."

And then she immediately felt bad for her reaction towards him earlier as she now saw the look of agony cross his face. She watched him shuffle on his feet uncomfortably before meeting her gaze once again.

"You know that…I mean Nell you know I would never…I could never…" Eric stumbled with his words as a look of disgust appeared on his face at the very thought that she might think he would inflict harm upon her ever. He was absolutely incapable of doing that.

"I know you would never hurt me Eric" Nell said quickly and quietly knowing what he had thought her reaction before to have meant. She wanted to hush any concerns of his that she would think he'd ever physically hurt her, she knew he wouldn't. However emotionally was a completely different case. Emotionally he was very much capable of harming her which is why she was across the room from him now, she needed the distance. It was her only protection for her heart at the moment.

He seemed to relax a bit at her admission but was still not comforted at the way she stood with her arms across her chest in a defensive posture towards him.

"So what's going on, why are you mad at me, what did I do?"

Silence

"Nell please talk to me…you obviously want to talk or else you wouldn't have let me in here. What's going on with you?"

Nothing again. He was about to speak when she beat him to it.

She spoke in a very fragile tone which scared Eric. This wasn't his usual Nell. "Am I worth so little to you that you couldn't even tell me that you would be leaving?"

"What are you talking about Nell, I told you I was leaving just a few hours ago." Did she seriously not remember?

"That was only because I asked you why you where avoiding me," she practically yelled "As I recall a few hours ago you were about to walk out of Ops having told everyone 'goodbye' but me!" he could see her eyes getting glassy again "If I hadn't stopped you would you have told me or would you have just left and the day after tomorrow be on a plane to wherever the hell you're going with me thinking that I was going into work to work with my partner only to find him gone? Or better yet, find a note in your place saying, 'sorry had to go fight in the freaking war be back whenever!" her sarcasm cut deep making him flinch

Eric watched as she spoke harshly at him all the while clearly holding back tears. He hadn't realized how upset she would be had he not told her. He couldn't find words to speak as it registered in him that his actions were the cause to why the woman he cared so much for eyes were filled with pain.

"Would you?" she asked sadly "Were you going to tell me Eric?" she begged him for the answer, but his eyes spoke volumes. No he had never intended on telling her of his departure. The hurt she was feeling now was unknown to her. He really didn't care. She hung her head breaking their gaze suddenly. "Eric why did you come here?" she asked defeated just wanting him to leave now and let her be downhearted alone.

He ignored her question suddenly realizing something, "Nell I think I need to explain something to you…"

"I'm not sure I want to hear it." She interrupted

He couldn't take having this conversation so far away from her anymore; he quickly closed the space between them. He thought she might move away but was glad when she didn't. "Please look at me…and just listen please….just hear me out?" he whispered. When she complied and looked up to meet his eyes he continued.

"Eight years ago I enlisted because I was at a pretty bad time in my life. I'd been in foster homes all my life and it seemed that the next one I went to was always more abusive than the last." He watched the shock play across her face for a second time that day "When it came time for college, school was the last thing on my mind, no matter if I was good at it or not. What was the point of the future if you had no one to spend it with? So I enlisted and there I found something I'd been seeking for so long. My unit…we looked out for one another, they became my family where before I had no one. The army was my home and I gladly served my time there because I knew when I came back home I'd have nobody. When they sent me home four years ago I went reluctantly, but knowing that I'd be back as soon as our mission allowed it again, I figured I could handle a year or two on my own."

Nell watched him closely, she wanted to hug him as he told her his story and of how alone he had felt. His eyes seemed so far away as he spoke of his past. She almost reached out to him but remembered that was probably the worst thing she could do right not. While he may be in pain from the thought of his past, she was in pain right now because of him. She couldn't allow herself to give in.

"When I got back almost immediately I got a call from Hetty for a job interview." She saw him smile at this, "The force had assured me that when I returned home they'd help get me a job and it turned out that my unit leader had made some calls to NCIS and told Hetty of my skills with computers, recommending me highly." He paused as he saw her shiver again from her still wet clothes. It made him anxious, he didn't want her to get sick, but knew it better to leave her be for the moment so he tried to ignore it "Within a week I was introduced to the team and settled in at Ops. I thought that because our area at NCIS specialized in undercover operations that everyone there would keep to themselves and be very cryptic and antisocial, that was until I saw Sam and Callen play fighting in the gym and Kensi sitting on floor laughing as Sam got the upper hand on Callen."

Nell watched his eyes get lighter again and when he smiled it reached his eyes this time. He was happy at NCIS that much she could tell.

"That first night we were introduced they invited me out for burgers and drinks." He paused "I didn't think it was possible but NCIS quickly became my family…I actually liked coming into work." He laughed but it faded quickly as his face took on a more serious one. "I knew by then it was already going to be hard leaving when I got my orders back overseas, but I knew I could handle." He broke eye contact all of a sudden, his eyes roaming everywhere but to hers as he continued to talk. "I knew I could handle leaving that is up until about a year and a half ago."

He looked back at her and her brow furrowed in confusion and shock 'she had to have known,' he thought 'she just had to have'

He felt himself getting emotional as he continued to speak "Because about a year and a half ago a woman with short brown hair, hazel eyes and a breathtaking smile walked into Ops and stole my favorite chair." He could feel the stinging in his eyes as all the pent of emotion that he'd been keeping in for more than a year fought to overwhelm him. He desperately needed her to forgive him because he needed to have her. Even if only as a friend he had to have her in his life

Nell was having a battle within herself at his admission. He'd just completely flipped her world upside down. 'Was he saying what she thought he was? That he cared for her that she was the reason he could no longer handle leaving?' She didn't want to give herself false hope but her heart was not obeying as it thudded harder against her chest in anticipation of what he might say next.

"And I tried so hard to keep my distance from this woman because there was just something about her that got to me and I knew that if I let her in just a bit she would steal my heart and I'd be lost of ever getting it back again," he weakly smiled at her "not that I'd ever want to if it meant that she'd be the one holding onto it." He placed emphasis on the "ever" and couldn't bare note touching her any longer and reached out a hand to cup her cheek, running his thumb affectionately along her jaw. His eyes began to water.

She had long passed that stage and had a tear leaking out of her eye at his touch. She could see the truth of his words in his eyes but her brow was still furrowed. "I don't understand, if you're admitting what I think you are," another silent tear "why were you going to leave without telling me goodbye?" It killed her to do so but she had to step out of his touch, it just didn't make any sense "You had told Callen and everyone else but was going to just go without a word to me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel Eric? It makes me feel like I mean nothing to you at all."

He internally cursed himself for even a moment having caused her to doubt his feelings for her. Then he realized, he had given her no reason to defend his feelings as only today was the first time he'd even verbalized them. He had to change that. He no longer wanted to bottle up his affections for her that burned so deeply.

She didn't know what to expect as he moved closer to her but his previous admissions to her wouldn't allow her to move an inch from him again. He cupped her face in both hands and the look he now gave her was as if she were the most cherished thing in the world. She closed her eyes as he moved in slowly. And then she drowned in the overpowering intimacy of his next gesture as he leaned down to her and his lips touched her skin, kissing away the tears on her cheek.

When he pulled back she'd never seen such a look directed at her as the one he was giving her right now, "Nell Jones," he paused looking a bit conflicted for a moment "I don't know how to apologize enough for making it seem like you meant nothing to me, because that is the very last thing I could ever feel for you. I won't lie to you though, I had every intention of leaving without saying goodbye today, but it wasn't because you mean nothing, it's more like because you mean everything." He closed his eyes then "I was being selfish, protecting myself because back there in Ops today saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I never understood the meaning of 'heart ache' till that moment when I turned away from you and walked away, that's why I came here tonight. I had to see you again I couldn't just leave like that and not see you for months. I couldn't say goodbye…I still can't." he was still close to her, his hands cradling her face in his hands, and he could no longer hold it in. His dark green eyes opened as a tear escaped, streaming down his cheek. "And I won't Nell, I can't say goodbye to you, ever….so please don't ask me to, because I don't want to disappoint you anymore than I have today." His eyes begged and she could see he was unmoving in his request.

She'd never seen Eric cry before but she was certain that she never wanted to see it happen again at her cost. Clearly there had been a lot of misunderstandings on both parts and they caused each other unnecessary pain because of it. He thought that by saying goodbye to her he might never see her again. And she had thought that because he hadn't intended to say goodbye to her that she didn't mean anything to him. At least on her part she was wrong because from what she had gathered from his words to her and the way he was looking at her now, though he hadn't used the "L" word he obviously cared deeply enough for her to shed a tear at the thought of goodbyes. Even him caring a little was good enough for her as she knew she was very much in love with him. He asked her not to ask for a goodbye and she could do that for him, but while she wouldn't say goodbye she decided in that moment that nothing would keep her from seeing him off at the airport for his impending flight.

Wanting to forget the last few stressful hours of the night and feeling emotionally exhausted she finally felt it safe enough to give into what she had wanted to do the moment he had closed the distance of the room between them. And with only inches separating them she fell into his arms her cheek resting against his chest and wrapping her arms around him.

When she fell into his arms and clung to his body he didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around her lower back and pulling her close. He couldn't believe it. She was in his arms and he never wanted to let go. And so they didn't for a long while just savoring in the moment, no speech needed yet because they both knew they had a lot more to talk about once separated. But when he felt her shiver, yet again, he remembered that she was soaking wet.

"Nell you're gonna get sick if you stay in these clothes any longer." He said pulling away reluctantly.

He felt strangely pleased for some reason to see that she too seemed reluctant at the loss of their contact.

Stepping out of his grasp it was almost as if in that moment it only just registered that she was indeed very cold and as if to amplify his concerns she immediately started shaking profusely once disconnected from his warmth.

And immediately Nell felt nervous as what had just changed between them suddenly hit her. Feelings that had never been spoken of before that day had suddenly been spilled. And while she wanted nothing more than to ask him exactly what all of this meant, whatever had gone on between them, she couldn't as the newness of the situation brought with it an awkwardness of the unsaid.

Feeling overwhelmed and needing to regroup she took her wet figure as an excuse to get away from him long enough to think clearly.

"Your right." She said looking down at her clothes "I'm gonna go get out of these and take a quick shower" she turned down the hall to her bedroom. But then she hesitated and turned around to meet his eyes.

"Don't leave." Was all she said and he could tell by the way she said it that it was a plea. And he could almost guess at the double meaning of the request in relation to his deployment. He threw her a crooked grin and it was all the confirmation she needed to know that he'd still be there when she returned.

She hurried down the hall to her room closing the door behind her taking a deep breath as her back for the second time that day leaned again a door. Only this time she was in shock, not tears, at what was happening. Eric Beal the man who she loved was only a short distance away from her, in her home, waiting for her to return to have a conversation that could possibly change both their lives.

But then she also had to remember that in less than 36 hours he'd be on his way out of her life for months or even a year. She didn't want to dwell on those thoughts, but she couldn't help let them in as they were very real. And then the thoughts she'd been trying to push away since the moment he spoke of his departure burst its way in. There was also a very real chance that she might never see him again. She breathed out in defeat at the thought.

Walking into her bedroom she stood in front of the mirror and dared look at her image.

She barely recognized the woman that looked back at her. This woman's eyes were red rimmed and puffy even though she had stopped crying. But in the deep depths of the hazel outer layer there was lace of joy contrasting the red rims, joy of what might come of them and then fear of what fate he might meet during the time he would spend away from NCIS…from her. Her hair clung to her neck completely soaked. She traveled her image until she reached the place where Eric had kissed away her tears, her cheek still tingled remembering the feel. Lifting her hand to touch the skin where his lips had been her face began to heat up at the thought of how close he had been to her. She couldn't help thinking that if he had moved only centimeters to the left his mouth would have touched her own.

Her blush went nuclear and she watched as the desire sparkled in the eyes of her reflection.

Turning away from the mirror, she hurried to struggle out of her wet clothes to get in and out of the shower quickly, anxious to hurry back into his presence.

**PLEASE REVIEW GUYS, I'm disappointed with the low numbers :( Thanks though to you guys that are reviewing….I guess I gotta work harder to make this story more angst filled to get your attentions…it is a challenge however I am willing to take on! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Before you read this chapter just thought I'd let you know that I had alot of trouble writing it...I just couldn't get it the way I wanted it to turn out, but I hope I did well enough. You may find some errors but in my defense I wrote it at like 2 in the morning so don't yell at me k? lol...I really hope you like it :)!**

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

**Disclaimer- I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles **

CHAPTER 4

While Nell was getting changed Eric took the time apart to think about all that had happened that night. He couldn't recall a time when he felt both exuberant and unhappy at the same time. He was so conflicted; one part of him was saying that the last thing he should be doing was getting involved with a Nell. He was leaving in a day after all. But then there was the other part of him, seemingly more dominant part of him, that could only think about how it felt to have her body against his and how the thought of calling her "his" awakened a possessive nature in him that made the thought of leaving all the more harder.

He stood leaning against the wall of the apartment looking out the window letting all his thoughts attack him. That is where Nell found him when she returned. She took the few moments before he noticed her presence to study him. He stood with his rain covered jacket still on and tension in his shoulders clearly visible. She frowned at this.

Eric felt eyes on him and turned to see Nell dressed in shorts and a white t-shirt. Her hair was pushed back behind her ears as it still clung to her neck drying from the shower and her feet where bare. He felt himself suddenly honored to be allowed to see her like this in such a relaxed and vulnerable setting…he could get used to seeing her like this. The frown however on her lips was what caught his attention.

"What's wrong?" he asked walking to stand in front of her. He took a bold action and tested his boundaries with her by threading his fingers in between hers. He was glad when she didn't pull away but gently squeezed his hand.

She looked down at their joined hands quickly before looking back up to him, "I could ask you the same thing?" she said "You looked like you were thinking over something really serious there."

When he didn't respond right away she took the initiative and pulled his hands leading them over to sit on her couch. They faced each other, Nell pulling her legs up against her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"Tell me. What's on your mind?"

He took her hands in his once more before speaking, "Well…I'm thinking about you obviously," he threw a smile at her that made her blush and smile back "…and I'm thinking about how much I'd like to kiss you right now." She watched as his smile slowly faded, she didn't understand this reaction.

"What's stopping you?" she asked seriously.

Their eyes were locked so intensely "I guess I'm still trying to decide if this is a good idea. If starting something right now is really wise when I'll have to leave tomorrow." He watched her head drop at his words

"We have to talk about this Nell…even though we don't want to….I need to know what you're thinking too," It killed him to say what he did next "I mean…a year is a long time to wait for someone and I'd understand if you found someone while I was gone. I don't want to hold you back from anything Nell, you deserve the best and while I care for you…more than anyone…you deserve better than a guy that won't even be on the same continent as you."

She moved closer to him and rearranged to sit on her knees, hands still connected "Listen to me Eric Beal and listen good, whether you kiss me now or you don't and leave tomorrow won't change how I feel for right now. It won't make me worry less about you when you're gone because it's far too late for that now. I won't be able to help but worry. And that worry," she untangled one of her hands from his to place it gently on the side of his face "is from a very deep feeling for you …a feeling that I haven't had for anyone else before. I don't think it's even possible anymore for me to be with someone else, even if I tried to. You are what's best for me Eric, no one else just you." She could feel tears welling up in her eyes once again and she quickly wiped ate them, embarrassed for falling so easily to the emotion.

"Ugh," she said while laughing "I can't remember the last time I cried this much in one day."

"I'm sorry about that" Eric said full heartedly with an apologetic smile on his lips. Her words had been like music to his ears. She wanted only him. But he couldn't help feel bad for causing her to have to wait and worry for him to return to her. "I'm sorry about all of this…"

"Please don't apologize…this isn't your fault…it's nobody's fault."

"Yes it is," he said forcefully" If only I had told you how I felt earlier maybe it wouldn't be this hard…I waited too long and now it could be too late…"

She quickly stopped him from speaking his next words by placing her hand over his mouth. He watched her eyes close, and then open to reveal fear in its hazel depths.

"Do me a favor Eric and not go there right now."

She saw the aversion in his eyes, he was getting ready to argue "But Nell…" he said gently pulling her hand away from his mouth

She stopped him again.

"Please." She pleaded desperately

He knew what she was asking him not to mention. He had been about to say 'I waited too long and now it could be too late to ever be with you.' He was going to say this to subtlety bring up the topic he knew she'd been avoiding speaking of. The possibility of his death. He knew it was hard talking about, but whereas he had come to terms with the possibility of dying years ago when he enlisted, Nell had just recently been thrown through this loop. But was one plea he couldn't give to her, she needed to understand everything that came with entering into this relationship with him.

He stood up then "I'm sorry Nell but you have to hear this."

"No, I don't."

He moved quickly kneeling in front of her with a fierce burning in his eyes "Yes, you do Nell!" The intensity in which he said this almost scared her "because if you don't hear it Nell and accept it…we might as well end this right now before it goes any further" her heart jumped at his words. "the last thing I will ever do to you is hurt you, and that's exactly what I'd be doing if I let you go into a relationship with me without accepting that I could die over there." Her eyes watered "I. could. die." He said again.

"Please stop" he could hear the tears in her voice, the agony. She tried to turn away from him but he held her shoulders forcing her.

"No." he stated "I've seen the wives and girlfriends of some close friends of mine who have been killed in the line of duty. A lot of them didn't understand how easily their loved ones could just be gone. They become so depressed Nell, it destroys them. I don't want that for you. I need you to be prepared in case…"

"And you think that will make it any easier!" she yelled pushing his hand away from her shoulders to stand. "Whether we talk about it or not Eric, no one can be prepared enough for news like that. No one." She was getting worked up "Talk about it or not Eric, if you die I will be crushed no matter what. No amount of talking about it will lesson that blow." She was still fighting tears "It's too late Eric to think about not hurting me because I'm in love with you." Her tears fell "I love you Eric and you're probably the only one in the world who can hurt me the most. And I know it's not your fault and I don't blame you for holding that power over me but I can't…I just can't talk about you dying."

At the sight of tears he grabbed her up in his arms. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck welcoming his closeness. "Promise me." She whispered into his ear.

"Promise you what?"

"Promise that you'll come back to me." She knew her request was a long shot, something that he could not promise, but still she had to try. When she didn't receive a reply she buried her face more deeply into his neck.

He hated that he was causing her so much pain but he wouldn't give her false hope when he knew what could happen in their time apart. He held her tighter "Nell, you know I can't promise…"

"I know," she cut him off "I just had to ask you know." She pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. "But if you can't promise me that then promise this. Promise me that you'll be careful over there…I just got you."

He really looked at her then and couldn't remember the last time he wanted something so much as he did in that moment. He would give anything for time to somehow speed up so that he could have left and been back already. He couldn't even begin to think of how hard the coming months would be without seeing her. He had gotten so used to knowing she'd be there every morning when he walked into Ops, he had not a clue as to how he'd handle the separation.

"Promise me." She stressed again pulling him from his thoughts

He hesitated a moment before answering "I promise that I will try to be as careful as I can." The promise wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear but she could see that this was the best she would get out of him.

"But…" he continued "I only promise that on one condition."

She looked at him curiously, having not a clue what he might ask of her but hoping that she'd be able to give it to him.

Oddly though, she didn't gouge his sudden change in mood. She watched as his serious face turned playful and his green eyes sparkled, keeping her mesmerized by them. His smile seemed contagious as she couldn't help cautiously smiling back, confused though at how only seconds ago the atmosphere was almost depressingly serious but now it was…she didn't even know what to call the light mood his grin was making her feel inside. "What?" she asked laughing slightly

But she didn't receive an answer, and didn't need one, as he gripped her tighter around her waist plastering their fronts together. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched his eyes shift from hers to her lips and back. His playful grin quickly turned mischievous and lustful and the target of his intentions was her alone.

He reached one hand from her waist to lift her chin as he inched closer. The anticipation of what she knew was happening killed her. And when he paused only centimeters away from her, she was confused and a bit frustrated at why on earth he would stop his advances. But then as she returned his gaze she realized why he had. He was asking for permission, making sure that this was what she wanted. That gesture alone made her heart swell. 'Could he be any more of a gentleman?' she thought

She decided to answer his silent request by closing the distance between them herself. When their lips finally met it wasn't fireworks they saw, as many might say, but it was just fire. A hot, blazing, building fire that traveled through both of them. What was meant to be a soft first kiss quickly turned into a battle of desperation between the two, trying to get the most they could from one another, knowing that there was only a little time left between them as the hours were counting down till his departure.

Eric's hands roamed down to her bottom cupping her cheeks to lift her. Nell quickly understood what he was doing and jumped up as he lifted her and wrapped her legs around his waist, threading her fingers into his hair. All the while never breaking contact with their lips as their tongues battled for dominance. Eric quickly maneuvered them back to the couch. He sat down with her straddling his waist where he first broke contact with her to give her a chance to breathe and moved onto sucking her neck instead. He heard her gasp as he sucked for a moment on the spot below her earlobe and he made it a mental note to remember that spot for the future.

Nell was overtaken with bliss at the moment. Every place he touched on her body left her feeling hot all over. His hands roamed expertly leaving no question to whether he had done this before. That was more that she could say for herself however. Yeah she'd fooled around with a few guys before, occasionally making out and stuff but the furthest she'd ever gone with a guy was her ex-boyfriend Tyler. Tyler and she had been practically naked on his college door room bed with his hands inching towards her panties when his "other" girlfriend had walked in on them. Needless to say she couldn't get out of the room fast enough and she never spoke to Tyler again. That was the furthest she'd ever gone. As Eric lifted his head from her collar bone, where he had no-doubted done a great job at leaving behind his mark on her, to return to battle with her tongue she quickly realized that the battle was futile, as he clearly was the more dominant one between the two. And she gladly relinquished power to him.

He grinned into their kiss as he could sense she was giving her control over to him, He had wanted to take things slowly but she obviously had other plans as her rocking back and forth on top of his crotch was making it increasingly hard for him to focus on bringing them back down a notch. He could feel his member growing harder below and could tell by the way Nell was moving above him that she was very much aware of his situation. The sensation was making him insane, but he wouldn't let her torture him without returning the favor. He broke their kiss once again and almost laughed at her sound of protest at the loss of contact but her sounds of disapproval were quickly turned into moans as his fingers touched the skin beneath her shirt before tugging at the hem of the t-shirt and quickly pulling in over her head and tossing it away.

Then, in one quick motion he flipped her around so that she was lying on the couch and he was hovering above her. He watched her for a moment, his eyes tracing her half naked body. The way he was looking at her was very much like a lion would before pouncing on its prey and it made her feel completely exposed to him. If he had stared a second longer she would have started feeling self-conscious but then he ducked his head down to her stomach where he proceeded to leave a trail of open mouthed kisses, 'Oh god he's using his tongue' she thought, leading up her torso.

She gasped with every kiss up her body. She could feel herself becoming more and more excited and she knew that the way he was teasing her skin, it would not be long before she was totally incoherent and wouldn't be able to stop him from taking her right there in her living room. She wanted him badly but she knew she owed it to him to let him know exactly what this time would mean. However, she also figured that she could wait until she had gotten his shirt off to see his amazing abs before slowing things down.

Eric felt Nell tugging at his shirt and paused from his journey along her ribcage to lift it off in one smooth motion. He silently thanked god that he had not worn one of his button down plaid shirts that day, because then the task of removing clothes would have taken only that much longer. Her fingers immediately found his newly exposed skin once the shirt was gone and ran her finger tips along the skin from the top of his jeans to his chest making him tremor. He caught her as she grinned triumphantly at his reaction. She now had conformation that her touch just as easily affected him as his did her.

He suddenly had an urge to see how many reactions he could evict from her and with that he reached underneath her and unclasped her bra. That piece of clothing too found the growing pile of clothes on the floor. He looked at her in adoration. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are." He said looking into her eyes. He watched her already pink cheeks turn red in embarrassment from his comment. The intensity at which he was looking at her was too much emotion to be just deeply caring for her but she didn't want to give herself false hope at what it could be and so she closed her eyes. She felt him moments later kiss both her eyelids before returning his attention to her chest. Eric licked and teased the skin around her left breast, making her pant softly before he even touched the nipple. But when he did he used his teeth to graze along it, making it tight so that when he finally sucked hard with his mouth she couldn't resist a yelp loudly escaping her mouth and the jolt that shot through her right down between her legs. He didn't give her time to breath as he quickly moved his attention to her right breast as well and soon he had her squirming beneath him. Every nerve in her body seemed heightened by his very presence and at his touch she felt as if she would burst.

Eric was enjoying this far too much, he loved seeing her like this completely out of control. She didn't have pretenses to back her up. There was no battle here, she was very much under his spell and that was where he liked her. The member between his legs however would beg to differ because he'd never gotten this hard this quick before from pleasuring the girl. But maybe that was because Nell Jones wasn't just any girl, she was the girl. The girl that had finally gotten to a place so many others had attempted to get to but never came close, his heart. And she had his heart entirely, whether she was aware of how hard he had fallen for her or not. While she was very much at his will, he was at hers as well.

Eric could feel his jeans getting increasingly tight as the combination of watching her squirm and moan beneath him was turning him on immensely. He knew he should stop. They shouldn't be doing this now, because it was just one more intense tie that would make him leaving all the more harder. However, his member was doing the thinking for him at the moment. He leaned up to connect their lips once again, he loved the taste of her mouth it was so sweet and intoxicating, as his hands moved down her abdomen he sneaked his fingers under the top of her pajama shorts and panties.

When she felt his fingers begin their journey down her shorts was what sent off the alarms that brought her back from utter bliss. She couldn't lie, the feeling of his hands below her waist was almost as good as the feeling she had experienced when rocking back and forth on his hardening member when she had been straddling him, but she knew she couldn't wait any longer to tell him.

She broke their kiss suddenly "Eric stop." She said breathy the ecstasy still clearly evident in her voice. Then she grabbed for his hand that was now very close to touching her clit.

At hearing her words he stopped his advances and quickly moved from atop her to stand up which she was not at all pleased about. She could see the panic in his eyes already building. "Oh my god Nell I'm so sorry." He turned around the room in search of something and when she saw what it was she frowned at him as he quickly pulled his shirt back over his head. "Shit Nell I knew I was moving too fast I'm so sorry, I should have slowed down." When he saw the frown on her face he misinterpreted the look and felt even worse about where his hand had been only seconds ago, he hoped he didn't ruin things with her already.

"Eric." She said calmly trying to get his attention but he kept talking

"If I offended you I didn't mean to Nell it was just in the moment I wasn't thinking and you…well you were moaning so I thought you liked it, but I am so sorr…"

"Eric!" She said again this time forcefully which got his attention. She might have laughed at the wounded puppy look he had on his face if it had not been for how scared he looked at thinking he had done something wrong. "If you say you're sorry one more time then I will be mad at you where seconds ago I wasn't at all."

"But you said…" he started only to be interrupted by her again

"Are you gonna let me talk or not?" she asked breathy as her breathing was only now returning to normal. He stopped talking instantly but clearly still looked ashamed "I did say stop Eric, I know that, but not for the reason you're thinking. And for the record I did like it Eric…very much, what you were doing to me was….amazing" She said blushing slightly as her voice trailed off and she suddenly couldn't meet his eye despite how intimate they had been only moments ago.

He watched her closely to make sure she was telling him the truth and he hadn't overstepped his boundaries with her. When he saw the blush and obvious pleasure in her speech, was when he allowed himself to calm down and be reassured a bit that she was alright. He even allowed himself to throw her a smug grin in response to her admission of being pleased with his prowess.

He ran his right hand through his hair trying to calm himself as he too was still very much aroused by their hot make-out session. "Are you sure you're ok…you know you could tell me if you weren't…I need to know so that next time…" he paused nervously "I mean if there is a next time…"

She met his gaze quickly at this, "Why wouldn't there be a next time?" she asked worriedly

He was glad by her response that "I mean as long as you want there to be a next time I'm all for it…believe me. I just thought that because, you know, you said stop maybe you weren't ready to go there yet. Which I completely understand if you aren't, there's no rush or anything and I'm willing to wait…"

The last thing she wanted to think about was waiting, she could still feel his lips all over her body and his hands leading down her torso towards her…"I don't want to wait." She said quickly

Her response took him off-guard, now he was confused and Nell could see the growing question on his face as his brows furrowed. She didn't think it would be this hard telling him this.

"Um…I don't want to wait…but like you said things were moving fast and I just thought you should know something before we went anything further."

He saw her facial expression get really self-couscous and shy and watched as she began fumbling with the blanket that she had pulled up to cover her chest with. He moved back to the couch and sat beside her. "Whatever it is Nell," he lifted her chin so her eyes would meet his and then repeated "…it won't make me think any different of you." She didn't seem to believe him as her eyes dropped once again "Hey." He said and then waiting until she looked back up to him. "I promise you."

She gulped, afraid that he wouldn't want her after finding out her secret, but once again she couldn't help but place her trust in him, she was in love after all and who better to reveal this secret to than the man she was in love with.

"I...I never…I mean...I haven't exactly, you know..."

"I'm sorry Nell, but you're going to have to be a little bit clearer" he said totally confused

He watched her take a deep breath in before speaking again. But he could honestly say that what he heard come from her mouth was completely unexpected.

"I'm a virgin Eric."

* * *

><p><strong>THANKS FOR READING AGAIN...AND PLEASE YOU SEE THAT BUTTON BELOW...CLICK IT AND LET ME KNOW WHATCHA THINK! :) NEW CHAPTER UP SOON...but reviews encourage me more :)! lol <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

**Disclaimer- I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles **

CHAPTER 5

"I'm a virgin"

Eric heard the words repeat in his head and didn't quite know what to say. He'd always thought Nell to be the type of girl that would wait a while before sleeping with a guy, but a virgin? Now that was something that fazed him. While He knew there were people out there still virgins past age 20, he himself had never been with a virgin before. Even when he'd lost his virginity it was to a girl who had already lost hers.

"Eric," Nell said nervously "Please say something…" He hadn't realized he'd been silent for quite some time. She bowed her head and mumbled out in a whisper "…I didn't think this would be a big problem but I understand if you don't want…"

Her insecure voice was what brought him out of his trance and he quickly silenced her with a kiss. When he pulled back there was a serious look on his face.

"I want you Nell." he said "Do me a favor and stop doubting that, ok?" he waited for her to nod in reply before kissing her again, this time longer as if proving to her how much he wanted her. When he pulled back they were both out of breath and his darkened eyes didn't leave any question to his want for her, though she could clearly see the troubled look he still held on his face.

"Then what's with the brooding look?" she asked smiling slightly trying to lighten his serious mood. She could see he was thinking very hard about what she revealed to him.

He couldn't help but laugh with a slight groan at her attempt to make light of the situation now presented. She was acting like this was no big deal but he knew very clearly what this meant, and he wouldn't just let it brush off like she was trying to do.

"Neeelll..." he sighed dragging out her name frustrated as he rubbed his hand over his face.

"What?" she asked innocently. He gave her a look.

"You know what." he said "You're trying to make this seem like it's no big deal."

"But it isn't a big deal."

He looked at her disbelieving. Anyone losing their virginity knows it's a huge thing, but he wouldn't call her on her bluff just yet. "Well it's a big deal to me." he said "I hope you didn't honestly think that you could just tell me this and we'd go right back to making out or something."

"Well..." she started. He looked at her disbelievingly

" Well you're wrong." he said with a final tone to it, standing up in front of her. "The very last thing happening tonight is us having sex."

He watched her expression turn shy and hurt "What so because I'm a virgin you won't touch me again."

He quickly acted to reassure her "That's not it Nell, it's just...we should never have even started what we did a few minutes ago, I'm leaving and it would just make it that much harder to leave if we crossed that line tonight."

She still didn't believe him completely. "And it has nothing to do with me being a virgin?"

He hesitated then knelt in front of her before answering "It has something to do with that too." He said gently. He saw fear flash across her face and instantly took one of her hands that was clutching the blanket to her chest into his hand, gripping it reassuringly "but it isn't because I don't want you, because I want you very much. But you being a virgin...it does change things." he said leaning forward to kiss her cheek

"I don't think that we could ever have meaningless sex, but you choosing me to be your first," 'and hopefully last' his possessive male side thought, "is going to make whenever that day comes that we do make love mean just that much more."

His eyes then diverted resting at her hand that was still clutching the blanket. He kept eye contact with her as he lifted his hand to gently tug the blanket away, revealing once again her naked upper half. He leaned up to her then and placed a kiss between her breasts and began speaking "When that day comes that I make love to you," he kissed above her breasts "I don't want there to be the threat of one of us leaving clouding our time together." he kept moving upward leaving kisses in his wake "I want our first time together to be happy..." he moved to her collarbone "I want to be able to give you all of me." he paused to look into her eyes "You deserve all of me Nell...but I can't give that to you until all the shit I'm involved with over there is resolved."

"When we make love...I should be able to hold you as long as I want afterwards and make love to you again and again...as many times as you would have me," he kissed her neck before meeting her hazel eyes again "I shouldn't have to go off on a plane a few hours after the fact and leave you for months and months to come. You don't deserve that...and the woman I'm in love with I would never do that to."

Nell's didn't know what to say. She'd never known a man like this before that was for sure. She was overwhelmed with the intimacy he was treating her with. The kisses, the gentle sound of his voice and those words that she wondered if he'd even realized saying. He was in love with her. She wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry, and she didn't want him to have to leave more than ever.

He saw her eyes water for probably not the last time in the next 24 hours. This woman, smart, witty beautiful. How had she taken his heart so fully?

He leaned forward and captured her lips unable to hold back any longer but made sure that this time he pulled back before it got too carried away. When he felt her start reaching for his shirt again to pull it off that was his signal. He heard her whine as he pulled away.

As he sat in front of her he tried his hardest not to look at her lips and how red and swollen they were now from their kissing and they complemented her pale skin so perfectly, highlighting all the more her beauty.

"I guess I'm going to have to be the responsible one in this relationship seeing as you have absolutely no self-control." He said half-jokingly half filled with frustration at knowing how much he didn't want to be the responsible one at all but instead make love to her right then.

She could feel the blush rise in her cheeks at his words but was not at all embarrassed, she needed him and she would never apologize for losing control with him. So instead she threw him an innocent smile.

They just stared at each other for a moment, both reveling in this huge change between them. It seemed like a dream one that neither of them wanted to wake up from.

Eric was the first to break the silence as he lost his battle and his eyes roamed down the front of her body once more. He gulped audibly. Nell eyed him confused.

"You know, maybe you should put your shirt back on…"he said

She couldn't help but smile mischievously at his obvious struggle not to give in to his urges, she couldn't help but play with him. "What do you mean, Eric?"

"I mean that you might make this a bit easier for me if you put your clothes back on." He stressed

She leaned forward then until her mouth was next to his ear "Who said I wanted to make things easy for you Eric?" she said in the sexiest voices ever right before she pushed him back with enough force that he fell the rest of the way to the ground from where he had been squatting in front of her.

She didn't expect him to have such quick reflexes though and he grabbed her around the waist so that she fell on top of him as well.

She laughed goodheartedly for the first time that day and Eric couldn't help but smile along with the sound of it. It was like music to his ears.

She crawled off of him and then the short distance of the rug to her shirt and bra. Eric's eyes never left her body as she hooked the bra into place and put her t-shirt back on. Her face was red by time she made her way back over to him still lying on the floor. He lifted one of his hands to brush across her cheek.

"You know you have absolutely no reason to do that." He said softly

"Do what?" she asked

"You're blushing…don't get me wrong though, I think it's adorable," he said "but you have no reason to be embarrassed about anything. You're gorgeous."

His voice was so smooth and soft and she could tell that he believed every word he'd spoken, but that didn't stop her already red cheeks from going nuclear.

She stuttered out her response as she all of a sudden couldn't think clearly, "It's not like I get complements like that every day you know…you can't really blame a girl when you keep saying stuff like that." She tried to hide her eyes from him still embarrassed.

"Well you should get compliments all the time, because it's true. From the first time I saw you with your brown halo of hair and piercing hazel eyes..." he paused "Absolutely breathtaking."

She pushed playfully at his shoulder, not entirely sure how to handle his impromptu comments. "Stop!" She squealed overwhelmed.

His response was entirely serious, making sure she was looking at him before he said it. "Never."

It was a simple word but held so much passion behind it. He needed her to understand what he was promising her. And the way that she looked back at him showed that she did understand somewhat. She was his now and as long as she was he would always make her see her beauty.

She heard the underlying meaning to his promise and though she didn't exactly know what it meant she had a feeling that whatever his promise was he would never let her forget it.

His gaze was overpowering and she had to look away for a second which is where she saw the digital clock on her DVD player. 2:11 a.m. And just like that her mind was back to reality and became heightened as it calculated the count down until he would have to go. She had a little more than a day left. 'Just one day'.

Eric saw the frown appear on Nell's face and it was like he could read her mind.

She came easily as he tugged on her waist, pulling her down and in a second she was laying on the rug beside him. She positioned her head on his chest and her arm snaked around his waist hugging him close. He kissed her hair while wrapping his arm around her as well.

He wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be sad because he would be back before she knew it, but he had already promised himself and her that he would never lie to her. And so he just gave what comfort he could, "I know," he whispered sadly into the open room while holding her tighter "I know".

They sat like that for a long time just thinking about everything that would be happening in the months to come. Nell fell asleep first as he felt her body relax completely against his own in exhaustion around 2:40. He however didn't find sleep for another few hours as his mind would not rest of what was soon to come. Tomorrow he would be on a plane meeting up with his first family once again. He would see the faces of friends that he hadn't seen in four years since he was sent home. He had to worry about completing the mission, and though he knew it wouldn't do him any good he couldn't help worrying about Nell too. Tonight she let him into her heart completely, she had cried over him and that scared him. His heart was entirely attached to her in every way but he never wanted her to fall so hard for him as well. He just hoped he'd be able to return to her safely. Dead or alive he knew that he would hate himself if she ever had to face hearing that he wasn't coming back home. He swore he'd never inflict pain on her like that. He'd seen first hand what that kind of news did to a person. He just couldn't let that happen to her. He just couldn't...

**SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT HOPED YOU LIKE IT…REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! :) THANKS BUNDLES…NEXT CHAPTER ERIC'S…**


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